Dealing with life and depression

Im taking a couple of days off work this week, trying to get my head together. Went to the Dr and he says i have reactive depression, he offered meds (i dont want to take meds as i know i have an addictive personality) so i asked about counselling. First appointment tomorrow and its expensive so hopefully it helps. Im eating and eating EVERYTHING in sight and anything that i "shouldn't" i can be stuffed full and still wanting to shove something in my mouth!

Running is beyond my scope of thinking atm which sux but I can't even fathom going for a run. 

I want to make this pain go away any way possible i want to drink, eat, take a pill anything to feel normal again but i know that none of thats going to help, only changing the way i feel and dealing with my problems will make it better. 

My friend and cousin have been wonderful at listening to me whinge lol

All i want is to fall into Brendons arms and sob and have him tell me everythings going to be ok and he loves me 😪

I just randomly start sobbing for no reason and dont know how to make it feel better. 

God i want to get healthy and lose this weight but i dont know how to put that into motion right now.